Am I alone?

This is me to a "T".

Meanie...

Nah, good parenting requires unpopular decisions.

Your kids are very lucky, Joani. Everyone should be so lucky to have a mom like you.

Joanimaroni wrote:

This is me to a "T".

    

You are not alone that's right on and agree to what riceme said

Boy I hate to disagree on this one, but my kids are grown-ups and I don't believe in stalking them or telling them what to do anymore. They are now my very best friends and I enjoy their company enormously but I would never try to interfere in their decision making processes or even remind them that they owe me a debt because I am their parent.
My children owe me nothing. They did not ask to come into this world and raising them was the happiest time of my life. What they gave me back as children more than made up for the care I gave them.
If you'd rather stay the parent it will be very difficult to become their friend.

I no longer need to be the parent. They are great people and I love being their closest friend. And if I'm not the closest friend they have, that's ok too. Just as long as I am one of them.

Otter wrote:

Boy I hate to disagree on this one, but my kids are grown-ups and I don't believe in stalking them or  telling them what to do anymore. They are now my very best friends and I enjoy their company enormously but I would never try to interfere in their decision making processes or even remind them that they owe me a debt because I am their parent.
My children owe me nothing.  They did not ask to come into this world and raising them was the happiest time of my life. What they gave me back as children more than made up for the care I gave them.
If you'd rather stay the parent it will be very difficult to become their friend.

I no longer need to be the parent. They are great people and I love being their closest friend. And if I'm not the closest friend they have, that's ok too. Just as long as I am one of them.

Maybe you are looking a little too deep into it?

I take the saying as being targeted towards non adult children. I realize it says "as long as I live". But that's something we say to our children sometimes, would you not agree to that?

You are right Tree. My job as a parent never ends. I am there to listen, advise if asked, console, nurture, and comfort. I am happy to say......I'm the first one called when they are in need. I must have done something right.

Joanimaroni wrote:

You are right Tree.  My job as a parent never ends. I am there to listen, advise if asked, console, nurture, and comfort. I am happy to say......I'm the first one called when they are in need. I must have done something right.

I agree. Mine do too.And I would bet otters does too. But I don't think any of us are out snooping around our 30 year olds business. Well unless they were doing something terrible then well ok, I give there was that time I had to kid nap my oldest daughter, lets not talk about that LOL

I give.   

Growing up in GB, a small area were you knew everyone, I knew everything. No bloodhound needed. LOL!

Joanimaroni wrote:

Growing up in GB, a small area were you knew everyone, I knew everything. No bloodhound needed. LOL!

I can see Gladys Kravitz... er, Joanie now.

LOL.......I do have binoculars.

There are some wonderful Moms here.

Obviously the involvement doesn't end, but it does change.  What were once fairly simple issues become a little more sensitive, me thinks.  Especially when they're married!  

Laughing, Tree. One of mine had a BF where I did worse, promise!

Yes, Joani, I've been accused of stalking as well.

Sigh, we do what we feel right, forever.

Otter wrote:

*~Tree~* wrote:

Otter wrote:

Boy I hate to disagree on this one, but my kids are grown-ups and I don't believe in stalking them or  telling them what to do anymore. They are now my very best friends and I enjoy their company enormously but I would never try to interfere in their decision making processes or even remind them that they owe me a debt because I am their parent.
My children owe me nothing.  They did not ask to come into this world and raising them was the happiest time of my life. What they gave me back as children more than made up for the care I gave them.
If you'd rather stay the parent it will be very difficult to become their friend.

I no longer need to be the parent. They are great people and I love being their closest friend. And if I'm not the closest friend they have, that's ok too. Just as long as I am one of them.

Maybe you are looking a little too deep into it?

I take the saying as being targeted towards non adult children. I realize it says "as long as I live". But that's something we say to our children sometimes, would you not agree to that?



Well, since it says that once you understand that your parent will hound you forever you've become a responsible adult, I'm thinking it applies to adult children. Our children have all at some point or another told us how very much they appreciate our not treating them as kids anymore and not hounding them about what they should or should not do. I believe they are responsible adults, in fact, I'm sure they are. We don't support any of them in any way other then being there IF THEY ASK. I actually think that whoever wrote that article has control issues and needs to learn to let the birdies fly on their own,

Seriously, I think you are looking to literally at the meme. Its not a article. Its a simple slogan, meme, saying.

I dont think any of us are out snooping into our childrens lives trying to pry into every little aspect of it.

Like good parents we are watchful and of course we are there if asked. But because we are watchful that allows us to offer certain advice which IS our parental god given right. Our right to be nosy, give unwanted advice and yes, daily lectures if needed.

If your idea is to be friends, watch them make horrible decisions and not offer advice other than , lets hang out. Then really, that's not even being a good friend. Because even true friends watch out for their friends.

*~Tree~* wrote:

Otter wrote:

*~Tree~* wrote:

Otter wrote:

Boy I hate to disagree on this one, but my kids are grown-ups and I don't believe in stalking them or  telling them what to do anymore. They are now my very best friends and I enjoy their company enormously but I would never try to interfere in their decision making processes or even remind them that they owe me a debt because I am their parent.
My children owe me nothing.  They did not ask to come into this world and raising them was the happiest time of my life. What they gave me back as children more than made up for the care I gave them.
If you'd rather stay the parent it will be very difficult to become their friend.

I no longer need to be the parent. They are great people and I love being their closest friend. And if I'm not the closest friend they have, that's ok too. Just as long as I am one of them.

Maybe you are looking a little too deep into it?

I take the saying as being targeted towards non adult children. I realize it says "as long as I live". But that's something we say to our children sometimes, would you not agree to that?



Well, since it says that once you understand that your parent will hound you forever you've become a responsible adult, I'm thinking it applies to adult children. Our children have all at some point or another told us how very much they appreciate our not treating them as kids anymore and not hounding them about what they should or should not do. I believe they are responsible adults, in fact, I'm sure they are. We don't support any of them in any way other then being there IF THEY ASK. I actually think that whoever wrote that article has control issues and needs to learn to let the birdies fly on their own,

Seriously, I think you are looking to literally at the meme. Its not a article. Its a simple slogan, meme, saying.

I dont think any of us are out snooping into our childrens lives trying to pry into every little aspect of it.

Like good parents we are watchful and of course we are there if asked. But because we are watchful that allows us to offer certain advice which IS our parental god given right. Our right to be nosy, give unwanted advice and yes, daily lectures if needed.

If your idea is to be friends, watch them make horrible decisions and not offer advice other than , lets hang out. Then really, that's not even being a good friend. Because even true friends watch out for their friends.

I trust them to make the right decisions because I raised them right back years ago. They rarely let me down. There's a difference in offering advice as a friend would and offering it as a parent who believes they have authority does. And no, I don't believe I have any right to be nosy, to give unwanted advice or a daily lecture.

My parents did that and I never appreciated it once I was an adult. Most often I ignored them (still do) and did what my conscience told me. Their job ended when I grew up and became my own person. What I noticed is that most of my siblings did not want to hang out with our parents because they did not appreciate the lectures. I don't have any problem at all with my kids not wanting to come see us, so I'll take my way over the old ways anyday. And by the way, as friends who were not afraid of the lecture, I can tell you every drug one of my kids ever used and the names of every significant other they ever had one of "those" relationships with, because they aren't afraid to tell me. They probably have some things they hide, I'm not naive, but there is very little I don't know about my kids. They are all good people that I respect.

My oldest son Shaun is 30, a Journeyman electrician, is one of my closest friends and he makes better decisions than I do sometimes.

He didn't always make the best decisions when he was an early teenager, got kicked out of several schools and had a sour disposition. I think that an alternative no-nonsense school called the Escambia Bay Marine Institute was the turning point. They had schooling and he got his GED at 16.

Thankfully, he turned his life around and is now a pleasure to have him with us.

Lol.........my kids are not druggies and we have a very close relationship. I guided them as a parent when they were growing up. Now, they are raising their children and i must admit they are great parents totally involved with their kids.

I think Otter misinterpreted the original HUMOROUS aspect of the thread.


To clarify I was the parent caring for my children......and a friend second. Their school friends are still very close to my kids and to me. It feels nice to be included in my kids events and their friends events all the time. I refer to their friends as my adopted children. Especially the ones that have lost their mothers.

Eric wrote:

My oldest son Shaun is 30, a Journeyman electrician, is one of my closest friends and he makes better decisions than I do sometimes.

He didn't always make the best decisions when he was an early teenager, got kicked out of several schools and had a sour disposition.  I think that an alternative no-nonsense school called the Escambia Bay Marine Institute was the turning point.  They had schooling and he got his GED at 16.

Thankfully, he turned his life around and is now a pleasure to have him with us.

Sometimes you want to pull your out....then things change and life is good.

Otter wrote:

*~Tree~* wrote:

Otter wrote:

*~Tree~* wrote:

Otter wrote:

Boy I hate to disagree on this one, but my kids are grown-ups and I don't believe in stalking them or  telling them what to do anymore. They are now my very best friends and I enjoy their company enormously but I would never try to interfere in their decision making processes or even remind them that they owe me a debt because I am their parent.
My children owe me nothing.  They did not ask to come into this world and raising them was the happiest time of my life. What they gave me back as children more than made up for the care I gave them.
If you'd rather stay the parent it will be very difficult to become their friend.

I no longer need to be the parent. They are great people and I love being their closest friend. And if I'm not the closest friend they have, that's ok too. Just as long as I am one of them.

Maybe you are looking a little too deep into it?

I take the saying as being targeted towards non adult children. I realize it says "as long as I live". But that's something we say to our children sometimes, would you not agree to that?



Well, since it says that once you understand that your parent will hound you forever you've become a responsible adult, I'm thinking it applies to adult children. Our children have all at some point or another told us how very much they appreciate our not treating them as kids anymore and not hounding them about what they should or should not do. I believe they are responsible adults, in fact, I'm sure they are. We don't support any of them in any way other then being there IF THEY ASK. I actually think that whoever wrote that article has control issues and needs to learn to let the birdies fly on their own,

Seriously, I think you are looking to literally at the meme. Its not a article. Its a simple slogan, meme, saying.

I dont think any of us are out snooping into our childrens lives trying to pry into every little aspect of it.

Like good parents we are watchful and of course we are there if asked. But because we are watchful that allows us to offer certain advice which IS our parental god given right. Our right to be nosy, give unwanted advice and yes, daily lectures if needed.

If your idea is to be friends, watch them make horrible decisions and not offer advice other than , lets hang out. Then really, that's not even being a good friend. Because even true friends watch out for their friends.

I trust them to make the right decisions because I raised them right back years ago. They rarely let me down. There's a difference in offering advice as a friend would and offering it as a parent who believes they have authority does. And no, I don't believe I have any right to be nosy, to give unwanted advice or a daily lecture.

My parents did that and I never appreciated it once I was an adult. Most often I   ignored them (still do) and did what my conscience told me. Their job ended when I grew up and became my own person. What I noticed is that most of my siblings did not want to hang out with our parents because they did not appreciate the lectures. I don't have any problem at all with my kids not wanting to come see us, so I'll take my way over the old ways anyday.  And by the way, as friends who were not afraid of the lecture, I can tell you every drug one of my kids ever used and the names of every significant other they ever had one of "those" relationships with, because they aren't afraid to tell me. They probably have some things they hide, I'm not naive, but there is very little I don't know about my kids.  They are all good people that I respect.

My kids visit me a lot. I would have a problem if they didn't. My children just like me growing up knew my parents cared about what happened to me. It doesn't mean I listened or my children always listened. This is not about what the kids think. Its about the way a parent thinks wanting to protect and care for their children.

I think you are being dishonest in saying you disagree with the statement.

You can fool yourself, but you are NOT your children's friend. You will always be their parent.

Joanimaroni wrote:

Lol.........my kids are not druggies and we have a very close relationship. I guided them as a parent when they were growing up. Now, they are raising their children and i must admit they are great parents totally involved with their kids.

I think Otter misinterpreted the original HUMOROUS aspect of the thread.


 To clarify I was the parent caring for my children......and a friend second. Their school friends are still very close to my kids and to me. It feels nice to be included in my kids events and their friends events all the time.  I refer to their friends as my adopted children. Especially the ones that have lost their mothers.

I agree. I think she did too.

my children are also not druggies. Hell, Im crazier than they are. LOL

FYI my kids are not druggies.. They are all in their 30,s now but like a large number of people in their generation, they tried some drugs back in their teen years .Maybe even a year or so AFTER their teen years.  At least a couple of them did. I'm not ashamed to say that because after trying them they had the good sense not to continue.A lot of parents believe their kids never smoked weed because their adult children would still be afraid to tell them-mine weren't  and aren't. That is the point I was making. It's because they can  talk to us as friends and not as Judgmental parents that will lecture them.Yes. I understand the statement was humorous but I found nothing in it that I agree with.If that bothers anyone I just have to say sorry about that. As I said my kids appreciate my trust in their decision making processes.

Lord knows, I have bitten my tongue nearly in two sometimes trying to get along with some of their "significant others," but I've never told them who they should see and who they should  see or love and who they should not.It is not my business.
I'll support them when they fall but  they are grown ups and that has to mean something, even to a father or mother.

Otter wrote:

FYI my kids aren't druggies. They are all in their 30,s now but like a large number of people in their generation, they tried some drugs back in their teen years .  At least a couple of them did. I'm not ashamed to say that because after trying them they had the good sense not to continue.A lot of parents believe their kids never smoked weed because their adult children would still be afraid to tell them-mine weren't  and aren't. That is the point I was making. It's because they can  talk to us as friends and not as Judgmental parents that will lecture them.Yes. I understand the statement was humorous but I found nothing in it that I agree with.If that bothers anyone I just have to say sorry about that. As I said my kids appreciate my trust in their decision making processes.

I hate to tell you this.

But your kids do not view you as a friend. You are deluding yourself.

*~Tree~* wrote:

Otter wrote:

FYI my kids aren't druggies. Theey are alln their 30,s now but like a large number of people in their generation, they tried some drugs back in their teen years .  At least a couple of them did. I'm not ashamed to say that because after trying them they had the good sense not to continue.A lot of parents believe their kids never smoked weed because their adult children would still be afraid to tell them-mine weren't  and aren't. That is the point I was making. It's because they can  talk to us as friends and not as Judgmental parents that will lecture them.Yes. I understand the statement was humorous but I found nothing in it that I agree with.If that bothers anyone I just have to say sorry about that. As I said my kids appreciate my trust in their decision making processes.

I hate to tell you this.

But your kids do not view you as a friend. You are deluding yourself.

Then they are lying because they tell me they do.   And I don't believe you know either me or my kids.

I viewed my father as my friend. It's a tragedy of life that my mother never let any of her children view her as anything but the "judge."  My father knew when to butt out.

Please try not to make statements about things you cannot possibly know.