It's a tough call, but I think I'd rather have the GOP candidates go back to talking about Trump's penis than Cruz having sex.- Andy Borowitz
The only thing more disturbing than being reminded that Ted Cruz has a private life is being reminded he wants to control your private life.- LOLGOP
Donald Trump loves America so much that if he was married to America he'd leave it for a younger, hotter America.- John Fugelsang
The only thing that can stop a bad terrorist is a good terrorist. Hi, I'm Donald Trump and I'm running for president of the United States. - OhNoSheTwitnt
So Trump has threatened to blackmail his wife, insulted her looks & tried to break up his marriage and Cruz will STILL support Trump in Nov.- John Fugelsang
The Republicans will unveil their strategy for defeating ISIS right after they unveil their alternative to Obamacare.- Andy Borowitz
Ted Cruz isn't concerned with your private life, unless you're gay, have a uterus or use birth control. Let's show him the same respect.- LOLGOP
I don’t know who’ll be more humiliated-Ted Cruz after admitting he cheated with 5 women or those 5 women admitting they slept with Ted Cruz.- Erik Bransteen
A new study found that women with natural blonde hair had a higher average IQ score than brunettes and redheads. So, for you natural blondes out there, a higher IQ means you're smarter.- Jimmy Fallon
I could spend all day explaining to Trump supporters what the First Amendment actually protects, or I could bang my head against the wall.- Jeff Tiedrich
Once the GOP solves the crises of transgender people using the bathroom & Muslims feeling welcome, they'll get back to taking our insurance.- LOLGOP
Ted Cruz has bravely renounced his Canadian citizenship, and the evil socialized health care that allowed his mom a safe affordable birth.- John Fugelsang
I never thought my greatest ally in destroying the Republican Party would be Fox News and the GOP base.- LOLGOP