Getting My In-Laws off the Road Was the Best Thing

My FIL has dementia that keeps growing every year, and my MIL seems to get feebler as time passes. She is going to be 80 in July, and he just turned 77. We got past a big milestone at the end of March: Getting them off the road and selling their car. My MIL didn't drive, so she was dependent on FIL taking her places. We knew that the day of reckoning was coming, but MIL kept holding on, as I think she really did not want to give up the freedom and convenience of having a car. Finally, she became too afraid to ride with him.

We considered many alternatives. Their car still had a lien on it, so we needed to sell it for at least what they owed. We considered putting it on consignment at a local used car dealer, but in the end did not even need to do that. A friend from MIL's church had a daughter who wanted their car. We set a price that was very fair to all involved--it was a very good deal for the buyer, and my in-laws actually made some money after their lien was paid off. The deal went down at Pen Air credit union, where the buyer took out a used car loan. Pen Air took care of all paperwork involved in the sale and transferring the title from my in-law’s lien holder.

The big question was how FIL would react to all of this. He has a history of being "grumpy." He was only mildly grumpy and went along with everything.

So far, so good! They are seen out walking a lot now in their neighborhood. If they need to go to the store, my wife hauls them or they get a neighbor to take them. I manage their finances (since 2009), and not having car and insurance payments, or outlays for gasoline frees-up $500 of their income each month. I opened a savings account for them at their bank, and I plan on saving some of that $500 each month. Dang--they won't have to squeeze pennies to find Christmas money this year. My job is also going to be much easier, since they have some financial cushion now-something they really did not have before.

It has only been a couple of weeks now, but I think this is going to turn out to be one of the best things we ever did for my in-laws!

An added benefit to them will be a closer interaction with you and your wife. As they get older, they're gonna need that more and more. It also gives you the excuse to check with them more often.

As my mom would say... "You're a good boy."

I hate it for everyone involved that you are having to go through that, Zug. It is a passing of a torch that no one wants to pass or take.

My grandparents and aging great aunts and uncles lived in a small town where I went to high school for a year. Everyone pretty much knew everyone, including their cars. We learned which old people ran stop signs (because there were none in certain spots before 1955), who had tunnel vision and who drove like bats out of Hades. We learned to defer to them and I don't recall any major accidents ever occurring because of their driving.

They could all to to the grocery store, post office, church and barber/beauty shops without the stress of big city driving. The churches and local folks pitched in whenever these good citizens needed a hand without sacrificing their dignity. It seems like older people live independently there longer than in larger communities.

I sure am happy this is working out for your folks and they are adjusting well. Heck, we all spend too much time behind the wheel as it is.

Something still to be said for living in a small town.

Getting our FIL out from behind the wheel must be a relief for you in more ways than one.
Good points, Eric.

ZVUGKTUBM wrote:

My FIL has dementia that keeps growing every year, and my MIL seems to get feebler as time passes. She is going to be 80 in July, and he just turned 77. We got past a big milestone at the end of March: Getting them off the road and selling their car. My MIL didn't drive, so she was dependent on FIL taking her places. We knew that the day of reckoning was coming, but MIL kept holding on, as I think she really did not want to give up the freedom and convenience of having a car. Finally, she became too afraid to ride with him.

We considered many alternatives. Their car still had a lien on it, so we needed to sell it for at least what they owed. We considered putting it on consignment at a local used car dealer, but in the end did not even need to do that. A friend from MIL's church had a daughter who wanted their car. We set a price that was very fair to all involved--it was a very good deal for the buyer, and my in-laws actually made some money after their lien was paid off. The deal went down at Pen Air credit union, where the buyer took out a used car loan. Pen Air took care of all paperwork involved in the sale and transferring the title from my in-law’s lien holder.

The big question was how FIL would react to all of this. He has a history of being "grumpy." He was only mildly grumpy and went along with everything.

So far, so good! They are seen out walking a lot now in their neighborhood. If they need to go to the store, my wife hauls them or they get a neighbor to take them. I manage their finances (since 2009), and not having car and insurance payments, or outlays for gasoline frees-up $500 of their income each month. I opened a savings account for them at their bank, and I plan on saving some of that $500 each month. Dang--they won't have to squeeze pennies to find Christmas money this year. My job is also going to be much easier, since they have some financial cushion now-something they really did not have before.

It has only been a couple of weeks now, but I think this is going to turn out to be one of the best things we ever did for my in-laws!

The decision to do this is very difficult...it's the last grasp of freedom that someone can posses but when measured against the safety of all concerned it's the right thing to do...